Fast & Testimony

I find my heart is overflowing this fast Sunday with many things to express but too many emotions to find the words. That is where a keyboard comes in handy. Today our ward went through many changes, the bishop and his counselors thought it might be funny to play a big game of "upset the fruit basket" I think. They reorganized the relief society presidency and called my amazing mother as the first councilor. I am so proud of this remarkable woman. She of course feels over whelmed and under qualified but many who know her think differently. She has so many talents. Especially while living in her home the last few months I have become more and more aware of her vast knowledge. The other day Charlee spilled the scentsy all over the carpet--yikes. But grandma to the rescue taught me to remove it using an iron and paper towels! Amazing. That is just one example. I love my mother and I'm so happy to sustain and support her in this calling. The new president, Lanette Pollard, is one incredible lady. She was my young womens president growing up. I think the absolute world of her. I know that she was called at this specific time so that I can be here in the ward to benefit from her testimony and faithfulness. I was called to be in Activity days again and couldn't be more thrilled. Perfect calling. And Stephen and my dad get to serve in Primary. I'm so happy they are putting us to work! I can honestly say that I am blessed beyond measure. I often find myself thinking "this is as good as it gets" only to be surprised with more blessings and joy than I could have ever imagined for myself. I almost feel like its too much, that one person isn't meant to find this much happiness in mortality. I wonder what the big trial of my life will be. If something might happen and I may feel as if it has all been ripped away from me. Every month people get up and bear their testimonies of the trials they are faced with and the growth they have felt come from it. Brother Junior in our ward suffered a major stroke a few years ago and the gift of speech was taken from him. He has a voice but cannot form words, he speaks in noises and slurs. Regardless, he always gets up and bears his testimony. It is so incredibly powerful. I almost feel as if I know what he is saying which is one of the greatest and most profound gifts of the spirit. I especially love when he flashes a thumbs up or an "okay" sign. He has remarkable faith. This last week I stumbled upon a blog of a young mother who lost her 4 year old daughter one year ago. Her heart stopped. By the time they revived her it was too late. Her sweet 4 year old brain couldn't handle the trauma. While reading her story (tears upon tears streaming down my face) I felt her anger and her overwhelming sorrow. Why did this happen? Is this really the plan for their family? To go through life with a giant hole where their sister/daughter/granddaughter should be? What is she supposed to learn from this? How could she possibly grow? Now a year later this sweet girls family is doing service in her name. Donating, helping, helping, loving, giving in the sweet name of Mia! I was sharing this with Stephen and he had some amazing insight. He said the Lord knows us, every choice we make and every thing we have done and even who we are and who we can become. The Lords plan is not to take away our joy or have bad things happen to us. He feels everything we feel. The Lord is the only one who can foresee the good that can come from trials we are faced with. That is his plan for us, the end result. The stumbling blocks in between are opportunities for us to draw closer to him and trust in his endless love for us. To become the very best version of ourselves so that we can be a servant in his hands. It was very humbling to me. I need to stop being preoccupied with with the "what if's" and just enjoy my Heavenly Fathers love. Be grateful beyond measure for the blessings beyond measure. I think I will go give my babies an extra kiss goodnight. They are proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy.