Picture OVERLOAD

A glimspe at our day to day

When we were driving to the hospital at 5 AM the day I had the twins I remember looking at things differently. Like it was the last time I would ever make that drive and see those things. Like the life I knew and loved was ending. I looked extra hard to try and hold on to the last memory I had of my “former life”. Very weird. But for some reason I viewed motherhood as a new life. I was going to be a different person, a much better person. And its really hard some days to feel like I don’t live up to that. BUT nevertheless I am surprised at the things that didn’t change after having twins. I thought it would be a lot harder. But things are going relatively smoothly. I have successfully kept two people alive for 4 months. And I myself have survived! We have a strict schedule when the babies will allow it. We still have weird days when one or both refuses to eat or sleep, but it evens out in the end. They eat every 3 hours, followed by some wake time where choose an activity from the following: we work on our skills like standing and tummy time and finding their voices and hands and grabbing on to mommys fingers or toys. We run in place and watch babies Einstein’s, have a bath (in the sink which is great because it forces me to do the dishes) face time with dad. We laugh and smile and giggle and take wayyyyy too many pictures:) Then they are wrapped up and put down for a nap till the next feeding. On days where this schedule is done well we are one big happy family. Mom is able to get things done and all is right. Or sometimes when dad isn’t at the station he takes them to the crossfit gym and mom gets to go to yoga or take a nap:) Those are also really good days. They are now sleeping in their cribs but not very successfully. We are still getting used to it. I have put it off for 4 months because simply their room is so far away from ours. Its across the house up the stairs and across the house. So I have been sleeping in the guest room upstairs and getting up with them 5+ times per night. Thus I am one tired lady. We had a really good night time rhythm down where they would go 8, 9 sometimes 10 hours between feedings and I only had to get up once usually at 5 or 6 to feed them. I think a combination of their new environment and a growth spurt is what has them waking up so often and feeding 2-3 times at night:( ugh. It was nice while it lasted. I am hopeful it will get better SOON. Before I go crazy preferably. Other than that things are going well, I love to get out during the day because the babies do so well in the car and in their stroller. Anything that gets me out of my living room. I’m so happy I’m a mommy to 2 very sweet babies. Their smiles are medicine to my soul. I make sure to make time just to sit and hold them and appreciate each stage they are in because I know they will grow out of it too fast. I love watching them grow. I love waking up to the sound of Bear sucking on his hands. Or when he slams his feet down in the pack n play making the whole thing shake and then laughs. I love the tender moments I get to experience each day because I am lucky enough to stay home and care for them. I know that no one could do a better job than me. I have a bad habit of feeling inadequate (what mother doesn’t?) but it is wonderful to share my life with the worlds biggest optimist who tells me often how much he loves and a appreciates me. And it always helps to drop them at Grandmas house for an hour and go to hot yoga where I can focus on an intention and find my inner balance. Its like a reset button. Nothing a little powerful squat cant heal:) Yoga is also medicine for my soul. The benefits aren’t bad either. And last but certainly not least, good friends never hurt. A sound support system or people who love you and care and are willing to listen while you complain about sleep deprivation and all the poop you’ve scrubbed out of clothes today. It’s a wonderful life we live. I’m lucky enough to share it with some pretty cool people.

Way to go Babe!

After I had the kids Stephen was able to take an entire month off to stay home with us while we all adjusted and settled into a routine. I’m incredibly grateful for this. Anyway, he took advantage of all that time by getting back into his cross fit gym. He has done cross fit for several years off and on but its hard when we get busy and what not. He worked really hard for 2 months and had little results and was getting a little frustrated. I don’t blame him! He would lay on the ground for 20 min after a work out sometimes because it was so intense and still weigh the same. Not that he really needed to lose a lot of weight but he wanted to be in better shape. Health and fitness are a big part of our lives and pregnancy especially our double dose threw us out of our rhythm. Anyway, at the beginning of the year his gym offered a challenge similar to a “biggest loser” but with a specific diet. The Paleo diet. Look it up. Basically if you can grow it or kill it you can eat it. It goes back to Paleolithic era (think Nephi or cave men) when people lived to be 200 and cancer, food allergies, heart disease and obesity didn’t exist. It is HARD to avoid sugar and flour and gluten. No rice no corn (because these were discovered later) no peanuts NO DAIRY. Basically you can eat any meat you can think of, we eat eggs with bacon almost every morning. And sausage (we keep it to chicken or turkey) any veggie you can think of we love avacados, nuts mainly cashews and almonds and sunflower seeds, fruit but very little mostly bananas and apples some blueberries and strawberries. Fresh produce. This diet is high in all natural healthy fats. I lasted 4 days mainly because I am responsible for the nutrition of 3 people and this girls gotta eat as much as I can. I even usually have a slim fast shake with my meal to add calories. Which obviously isn’t paleo:) Here are a few of our favorite meals: Hamburgers wrapped in lettuce with onion tomato pickles and bacon sometimes guacamole. Seriously once a week and its my favorite night. Grilled chicken and asperagus-simple healthy delicious. We only drink or use almond and coconut milk. Obviously lots of salads, spinach is a staple to our every day. We fill them with nuts and flax seed and chicken or turkey and Stephen usually tops his with pico (onion tomato cilantro with lime and garlic) while I cheat a little and use some raspberry vinaigrette. Apples pears craisens with zucchini or cucumber the options are endless and it just depends whats in the fridge. Sweet potato fries!! Best ever! Cut up and coated in olive oil, chili powder, garlic, sometimes Italian seasonings or a pinch of cayenne pepper and fried up on the stove. They are so good we feel like we are cheating the diet. Sweet potato pancakes with cinnamon and nutmeg or banana pancakes, simple ingredients and no where near as good as the real thing haha but it is a sweet tooth fix. Topped with almond butter (I use peanut butter) and honey or 100% pure maple syrup. Crock pot anything, I usually keep it simple and just add salt and pepper to the meat then later we can add different things and just serve it with veggies. Babies don’t like broccoli which is hard to avoid when eating healthy but it just forces us to get creative:) Home made applesauce. Seriously killer. I get a variety of apples and peel and slice them and cook them in the crock pot with cinnamon and lemon juice and OH MY serve warm and it is like having a piece of apple pie. For Christmas we bought a juicer and love it. Great way to get your veggies and it’s the only way I will eat kale. Plus I would rather drink green juice than a green smoothie, it just goes down easier and easier for your body to digest. Especially with no added sugar, just apples or lime/lemon juice to sweeten it basically. Anyway, it is not easy but Stephen was so dedicated with it. Even when he came home to me eating chocolate or cookie dough the man stayed strong. 6 weeks solid. There were about 20 people doing the challenge and you had to keep a journal of what you ate and what work outs you did and your weight. Then at the end you had to write a short report on your progess and how you felt. And my man WON the challenge! And $200 bucks! So proud of him. And he is sticking to the diet still. He lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks and kept most of his muscle. He is a firm believer in food being the fuel for your body and paleo being the premium fuel. He even got the guys at the fire station to do it with him and all had great results and are still on paleo. His captain had some health issues, high blood pressure and such and paleo is slowly but surely healing him. Our world is slowly trying to kill us with its processed foods and its working too. (among all the other horrible things in the world around us) we see it as trying to keep our bodies clean. We clean the outside regularly, we stay away from foul books and movies and music to keep our minds clean and with the food we eat we can keep our insides clean and running like a fine tuned machine. He plans to take such good care of the body he has been blessed with and live to be 100. Which is great because I plan to live one day less than him:) Congrats babe! Way to go!

...And a Happy New Year!

January 6, 2013 marks the 5th anniversary of the day I met Stephen Wayne Murray. I had decided to start attending the singles student ward since I was going to start classes at BSU, it was my first Sunday. I went with one of my best friends Lauren Browne (now Mair) and the only person I recognized was one of my sisters best friends Sierra Kinney (now Davis). We sat by Sierra with no worries, Sierra knew everyone. I met so many people! It felt like a fresh start and I welcomed it as well as all the new faces with wide open arms! We were in Relief Society, and all the sudden to my surprise there he was. With a LOT of confidence he strolled to the front of the class and the President allowed him to make his announcement. He was having a movie night at his house in Star and called it “the star trek” since it was easily a 30 minute drive out there. Sierra said we should go and I agreed. When we got to his house there were a lot of the same faces from church but still new ones! I got the opportunity to get to know the new faces I met that day. Nate Thueson was one of those faces and also Stephens room mate. He decided to give me the grand tour. We made our way around the rooms and then headed up stairs and there he was again, at the top of the stairs lighting a candle. He greeted us with and when he turned to look at us he burned his hand on the lighter. Without thinking or having control of my actions I grabbed his hand and kissed the burn. I think I stunned all three of us. Then Nate took my arm and continued my tour. It was hilarious with the perfect amount and awkwardness; I still didn’t even know his name. We came back down stairs and later Nate introduced him as Mr. November. He was in a calendar for the Fire Department and was pretty proud of it. He continued to show me said calendar. I thought he was full of himself. Ha! Anyway the night went on, Nate asked me out and we ended up going on a few dates which complicated things with his best friend, Mr. November. But we continued as friends through 2008 and in September, when I gather the proper amount of time had passed, he finally FINALLY asked me out. I’m forever grateful for those 9 months of friendship. I grew up a lot, mainly because I was 18-19 years old. I got to know him in a non threatening way so when we started dating the transition was seamless. Though in the beginning I did not want to get married not just not to him but not at all! Obviously he won me over and changed my heart. Another thing I am forever grateful for. I always enjoy the beginning of the year even though I have never been into the whole resolution thing. I like to start new goals all year round, not just at the start. But this year my resolution is simple: Be the best I can be. For Stephen, for Charlee and Bear and for myself. 2012 was verrry good to me. Full of transitions and fresh starts. Right now its hard to picture the end of 2013 or where we will be, right now I look forward to everyday and surviving the chaos that I know is only going to increase! But I welcome the journey! And know there will be plenty of joy in it. Happy new year to you and yours.

Murray Christmas

This year the Murray family decided we were having a white Christmas! Stephen and I got extra brave and decided to make the trip up to New Meadows (30 min past McCall) to the family Ranch. The roads were terrible, so by the time we made it to McCall the kids were starving. So we stopped at the moxie java to get some warm water to heat up bottles and feed them before continuing to the ranch. Well, they were closing in 5 minutes so we told the ladies we would just take it to go so we could feed them in the car. It was a mother and daughter working, the daughter had just driven down from Moscow to be with her family for Christmas and they were so sweet. They insisted we stay as long as we’d like. We felt bad for the inconvenience so I told Stephen to go buy us hot Chocolate and tip them well. Well they wouldn’t take any of our money, gave us free hot chocolate asked if we needed anything else and said they were blessed that we came in that night. We got the babies out of their seats to show them and they Just started hugging each other and crying and couldn’t believe how small and cute they were! It was the sweetest thing! They kept coming over to check on us and look at them. It was so sweet. They thanked us and we thanked them and wished them a very merry Christmas and were back on our way. It is a very sweet memory. It was wonderful to be so secluded with the family, I feel most times when they come to visit we don’t get very quality time since we are always coming and going. We had great chats, long naps, watch kids play in the snow with their amazing uncles making snow forts and sledding behind the 4 wheeler, watched movies, decorated sugar cookies and other goodies, loved on babies, prepared and devoured way too much food and made great memories. And even managed to get some sleep with 5 babies in the house. We are such a blessed family. Christmas eve we had a wonderful family home evening lesson on the birth of Christ and letting him into our lives, my father in law CRIED reading a very sweet story (I have never seen that before) and we sang lots of Christmas songs at the request of my sister in law Sherry! On the closing song, away in a manger, we got to the last verse saying “bless all the dear children in thy tender care” and I happened to be looking at Charlee and all of the sudden the words were taken from my mouth and replaced with uncontrollable sobs. My thoughts immediately went to the children lost this year in the shooting in Connecticut. I could not stop crying it was just too sad to think of their families on Christmas, not getting to watch them open presents or sing carols or decorate cookies for Santa. But how great to know they are in Gods tender care. I look forward to Christmas next year when we can really start making our own traditions with our own kids. Even though they will still be so little and not know what’s going on, at least they won’t sleep through it:) I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas!

Perfect Love

My babies are 8 weeks old tomorrow! I have been amazed with how much energy I have again. Even totally sleep deprived I feel ten times better than I did while I was pregnant. I didn’t realize how much energy they drained from me till they came out. Plus it is so much more fun cuddling and kissing them instead of them kicking my ribs and my bladder. Another plus, I am so grateful for all the help we have had from very loving parents and sweet friends. These babies are so loved. I cant believe how quick the time goes by. I have never felt so grown up with my Husband, House, Kids, SUV…. The days of “when I grow up” are somewhat here and I’m pretty proud of where I ended up. People try to tell you “it will be different when its your own kids” and that couldn’t be more true. I thought kids were great, loved my nieces and nephews but MY OH MY do I love my kids. They are my whole life. I get so excited seeing them grow! They have graduated from newborn diapers to size 1 and their clothes are getting tighter and tighter. Baby Bear outweighs his sister by almost a pound now so he is definitely out of newborn clothes, but its ok I will take his round belly and cheeks any day. He eats 1-2oz more than her sometimes when I give them bottles. AND they went 6 hours between feedings the other night! Praise Heaven I cant wait till that is consistent! They are starting to make silly faces and go cross eyed and flash big cheesy smiles. Wake time is hilarious, unless it’s the hours between 8 and 10 then its fussy time. And right now they are trying to fight off little colds but they are eating and sleeping well still so I’m sure they will be over it in no time. Last week I got brave and went to hobby lobby, they did good! I love my double stroller that has clip ins for their carseats. Although I could barely make it through the door without being stopped 7 times. Bear and Charlee…you are LOVED! My favorite thing to do when I’m up with them at night is look at all their pictures and see how much they’ve changed. I’m surprised they still look so much alike. But I’m not surprised how adorable they still are:) I love parading them around, I’m so proud of them. I’m so lucky to be their Mommy. And now for a whole bunch of pictures!! A little Gem forgotten on the D day post...meeting my son

Look at those toothpick arms!

Daddys girl

They always get their hands out and have them by their faces or behind their head. So little!

Matching bow ties:)

Sharing mommy time in the moby wrap....I wonder how long I will be able to get away with this one...

Sweet Charlee girl getting burped by daddy

Sleeping babies

Daddy lovin

Such a big boy hangin with Papa Ray

Charlee and Grandma

Mommy moby time with Bear

"Everybody come see how cute I am"

It so fluffaayyy I'm gonna die!!!

Nap time in the swing

Charlee girl lovin bath/shower time!

D DAY

On November 8th 2012 at 8:00 AM I left behind the person I was to readily accept the person I was destined to be…A MOTHER. I was so blessed. The entire experience was really pretty great! Unfortunately we had to do a Cesarean delivery because both lil babes were facing the wrong way. At first I was sad but It definitely has its perks. As we were driving to the hospital at 5:30am I said to Stephen how grateful I was that we were able to avoid the chaos of Labor. No water breaking or rushing or stress… we just woke up and had a nice drive downtown and got checked in started my IV and got prepped for surgery. My dad was the first one there he was so excited! My mom and Stephens mom were also there as well as his brother Rob. I was amazingly calm about it all. Stephen gave me the most beautiful blessing the night before and I was really just anxious for it to be over and to meet these sweet people! Everything went perfectly. I was in zero pain, they put in the spinal block and got me set up and before I knew it Stephen was telling me he saw feet! I didn’t even think they had cut me open yet! I could feel them moving around but I never felt any pain. Charlotte head was still inside and the doc was holding her by her feet pulling her out when she peed everywhere. Bearett flipped and came head first…..also peeing:) HAHA Next I knew it was over and my babies were here and yelling and getting cleaned up so they could be in my arms! I couldn’t believe how easy it was. They wheeled us off to recovery where Stephen immediately started taking pictures and I finally got to hold my little sweets. Once again, my dad was the first to sneak his way back to see us and meet the babies! After I started wiggling my toes they moved us upstairs and we got to spend the entire day with our babies in the room with us just loving on them and staring at them. I am forever thankful for that day. Later, Charlee passed her blood sugar test and was able to have a bath. Brother on the other hand, was having a harder time. He wasn’t eating as well as she was so he ended up having to go to the NICU for a couple days. He worked so hard to get back upstairs with all of us! It was so hard to have them split up. And between feeding her, leaving her in the nursery to go feed him then leaving him to spend time with her…..mom and dad were exhausted physically and emotionally. I’m so glad all that is over and they are just doing so great now! Nothing makes me happier than seeing them together and happy and home.

This is Charlotte Ann Murray(Ann is after my middle name) and she was 6lbs 7ozs and 19.5" long.

And here is Bearett Wayne Murray (Wayne is after Stephens middle name) 6 lbs 19.25" long. I cant even begin to describe the transformation we have felt over the last few days of our new lives as parents. I have never loved my husband like I do now. I have never loved myself like I do now or been happier with my life. It is the most incredible thing to experience, I cant believe this is my life now and I get to spend it with these two precious babies. Nothing has ever or will ever bring me more Joy than the sight of their faces, their need for my love and care. I knew I would love them but this….THIS is so much more than just love. When I met my Stephen I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to find true love! To know without a doubt that I was meant to be with him forever and to know that he would always love me as much or even more than I love him! In the fairy tales at least, that is always where true love lies. But there exists an even greater love than the kind shared between soul mates. That love is the truest of love, and it is not found but it is MADE. When two hearts come together in love and become (in our case) four hearts. That is when you know true love. And they all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.