Time for action

"There will always be things to complain about—things that don’t seem to go quite right. You can spend your days feeling sad, alone, misunderstood, or unwanted. But that isn’t the journey you had hoped for, and it’s not the journey Heavenly Father sent you to take. Remember, you are truly a daughter of God! With this in mind, I invite you to walk confidently and joyfully. Yes, the road has bumps and detours and even some hazards. But don’t focus on them. Look for the happiness your Father in Heaven has prepared for you in every step of your journey. Happiness is the destination, but it’s also the path. “Peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” is what He promises (D&C 59:23). That is why He commands us to “be of good cheer” (D&C 78:18; see also John 16:33; 3 Nephi 1:13). As you joyfully use the map your loving Father has provided for your journey, you will rise to your supernal potential. You will grow into the daughter of God you hoped you would become." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf Quitting my Job was a hard yet incredibly liberating experience. It had been a long time comin, if I hadn't gotten pregnant I would have only lasted a few more months anyway. It was a much needed break. I felt as though I had been moving in fast forward at 80 miles an hour for too long and while pregnant I didn't do much. I sat, I walked, I laid down, we took a few trips, I ate, ran errands, kept my home clean and sat. Which probably was a really great thing since I was able to carry the twins full term. I had so many hopes for that time off. But ultimately I had zero motivation. And I let myself have that time of laziness because I knew I would be running at 100 miles an hour for the next several years having twins. Of course I have had times where I have let myself complain about things and feel sad or misunderstood...I'm human! But like President Uchtdorf said THAT IS NOT THE JOURNEY I HAD HOPED FOR! NOT THE JOURNEY HEAVENLY FATHER SENT ME TO TAKE! Well, the excuses have run out. I have come to hate making excuses and hearing them as well. Others say I have two built in excuses but I have decided to rise above that. Instead of people giving me the benefit of the doubt because I have two babies I want people to say "wow, if she can do it so can I" I want to be somebody that others can look up to for motivation. I want to serve others. I want to be involved. I want to expand my knowledge and be better than I am. Too often I find myself wasting half my day. Granted holding my babies isn't exactly wasting......but I do feel like I can hold them and do things. My ward is doing a Humanitarian meeting tomorrow where we help make and gather things to take to the shelter and donate to schools. I'm going to try to go. If the babies are fussy, I'm sure others will be willing to hold them so I can do my part. Or we will come home. But I need to take action and make some changes in myself. Its been a good weekend of reflection and I feel like I see the person I want to be and all the things that stand between the person I am and that person I want to be and I'm trying to cross them off the list so I can come closer to that person. Conference weekend is always so great for personal reflection. A few of my favorites were obviously President Uchtdorfs words and the general young womans meeting. Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness By Elder Quentin L. Cook; Elder Bednar's talk on being chaste, he is always spot on. And my absolute fav was Elder Holland. He always says it best and with such conviction. I LOVE HEARING THE COUNCIL WE RECEIVE FROM GOD. I feel ungrateful if I don't apply those lessons to my life. This Sunday I GET to take the babies to church by myself since Stephen is at the Fire station. I AM GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH ALL THREE HOURS OF CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEY WERE BORN, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME AND ALL THREE OF US ARE CRYING BY THE END. I am going to lean on my ward members pretttty hard this week. I am going to accept the help that many have offered and we are going to do it. I have been making excuses for myself. Making it to sacrament meeting is good, but I can do better. I can do more. I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I'm so grateful for the JUMP START conference always brings for me and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! And now here are some pictures of the babes, because lets face it thats all you want to see anyway, right?:)

Spring cleaning

Our big project this year is our yard. The former owners of the house did not do to well with the landscaping. We have trees growing into our house and weeds up the wazoo. The flower beds are mounded so the rocks fall here and there. So I told Stephen we need to start working on it before he gets too busy with roofing. Saturday he decided to demolish our yard. He rented a bob cat from tates rents and started tearing it up. He got the pond drained and filled in with dirt (we are turning it into a disappearing water feature) and he flattened and removed all the flower beds and in the process ripped up all the grass….we have made more work for ourselves but when its done it will be awesome. I hope. Anyway, we filled up his dads trailer with trees and bushes and dirt LOTS of dirt and headed for the dump. Babies sleep well in the car so we took them along for a little adventure. And that it was! We turned out onto the main road and the trailer started swaying instantly. We maxed out at 35 mph because the trailer was so heavy! We could have fishtailed several times It was a looooonnnngg ride but babes were sleepin so it was some nice quality time for mom and dad. The whole way we felt blessed that no one was behind us getting delayed, then half way there someone pulled next to us and got my attention that our back tire was smoking. UH oh. Luckily we were near some soccer fields and pulled over to un hook the trailer and call stephens dad to bring his truck. We would have to relieve the trailer of some of that dirt to be able to pull it the rest of the way up the hill to the dump. Right after Stephen got it unhitched our load took off, we hadn’t realized we parked on a slope. Oops. So there goes my husband…getting dragged by the trailer and all I hear is “clink cling clkfui[‘aoFdknfeoi’ plunk” the sound of the metal scraping against the pavement. So I hurried and rushed to save them. I grabbed on next to him and pulled. HA. It was hilarious that my pull made no difference! I thought I was a little stronger than that! Luckily I was able to make it into the box on the end and get out the wood stoppers. We had a good laugh over it as did I’m sure the cars passing by. Then Richard showed up and they were able to move the dirt to the front and carry it up the hill without any tires catching fire. Then unloading a giant bolder almost crushed stephens foot. Sidenote* He also almost crushed his foot loading the trailer. Yes, we are counting our blessings tonight. We were definitely being watched over that day and we were more than happy we made it home safely. And on goes the project. I hope the rest of it goes a little more smoothly! Bear got to help dad with some of the demolition. It was so loud in there he loved it. I bet he would have fallen asleep if we left him there!

Who could ask for more?

These babies are doing so good! They are 4 and ½ months old and learning to sit up. Sis is doing so good! So is brother but we get really excited when Charlee does well because brother seems to learn things first. But to be fair he spent the first 2 months catching up to her. We are so proud of how well they are doing. They are such happy pleasant babies. Bear is emotional. He takes after his mommy. When he is mad, he is REALLY mad! When he is happy he is REALLY happy. You get the idea. But as long as you give him plenty of love and play time he is such a sweet boy. He especially loves to be bounced on the yoga ball. It will immediately soothe him and I am forever grateful to Riley and Destry for teaching us that little trick! Works like a charm every time. And he loves the swing. Its about 90% Bears and 10% Charlees. He loves to talk. He is so loud! On Sunday we got to go to our friend Deckers blessing and B was just so excited for him he was talkin away! I missed most of it but it was pretty stinkin cute. Often times in the morning he works his way out of his swaddle and plays for 15-30 min while mommy tries to wake up, and of course sissy is either still sleeping or just waiting patiently. Its so cute to listen to him talk and suck on his hands. When I go in there he always ALWAYS has a huge smile for me. He is a mover. Sooo squirmy! He is going to be one busy boy. He always has his arms and legs kicking and waving and loves to look around. He has always been so curious. Has to be the center of attention. Put him in the bumbo in the middle of the dinner table and he is the happiest camper and will give you all the smiles you want. He makes us laugh a lot. He already has different faces and those big beautiful blue eyes. And the eye lashes, my goodness. Boys always have the best eye lashes. Even when this boy cries its cute. It’s a cross between the hiccups and giggles with a hint of whiny and snorts. But those smiles. When Bear smiles his whole face lights up. It starts in his toes and makes its way all the way to his eyes, which disappear from such big smiles. Those smiles make my whole life better. I love you sweet Beary boy. Charlee is the Angel baby. Shes the sweetest most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. She always lets Bear eat first and be held if he is fussy, and she just lays there spitting bubbles and smiling and talking. She is such a sweet big sis. When its time to sleep she loves to be swaddled and just held with her binkie and she will usually go right to sleep. Sometimes she likes to be rocked and her bum patted too. She is not squirmy except when you are feeding her a bottle. She loves to kick her feet when she is eating. And when she is laying down she will kick her feet and play with her hands. But usually when you are holding her she just likes to snuggle. She is so content. She makes you work for her smiles, but trust me they are worth it. I usually get lots but I’ve noticed when it comes to other people she is a little shy. She doesn’t like to be left alone. If you leave the room she will make a little noise like “eh eh eh” just to let you know she is still there and she wants some attention. She never cries. I can count on one hand the number of times she has thrown a fit. Unlike brother who has those fits daily. She still hasn’t had any real tears, cause usually when she does cry its for attention not because shes mad. The poor little dear gets neglected a little bit….it happens when you’ve got a needy little brother. That’s why we are extra glad when daddy comes home. This girl LOVES her daddy. They both do. But when he is home her eyes are on him. If she hears his voice she will look for him. She loves to grab his fingers and give him lots of smiles. I think its safe to say she has her dad wrapped around her itty bitty little finger:) I love to watch their bond. Charlee girl does not like tummy time or rolling over, but if you sit and play with her she will tolerate it. However she rocks sitting up! And they both like their stretches and running in place. One of my biggest hopes for my children is that they will be kind. They will be so many things, many great things and a few not so great im sure. But I really hope they are blessed with a kind heart. And I can just tell this girl has a kind heart. She is going to be a joy to all those around her, especially her mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters. And here is for you laugh of the day... a typical day at our house

When aunt Mal comes to town...

She brings her camera! This time she let me go nuts with her perfect lens and take a few shots of my perfect little angels. I did the editing on my own:) I have learned it all from the master though. For my birthday Stephen is getting me my very own super sweet camera so I can take great quality pictures to my hearts content. LOOK OUT! My amazing mother in law knitted Bears fireman outfit and my aunt Shellie made him that darling blanket.

Picture OVERLOAD

A glimspe at our day to day

When we were driving to the hospital at 5 AM the day I had the twins I remember looking at things differently. Like it was the last time I would ever make that drive and see those things. Like the life I knew and loved was ending. I looked extra hard to try and hold on to the last memory I had of my “former life”. Very weird. But for some reason I viewed motherhood as a new life. I was going to be a different person, a much better person. And its really hard some days to feel like I don’t live up to that. BUT nevertheless I am surprised at the things that didn’t change after having twins. I thought it would be a lot harder. But things are going relatively smoothly. I have successfully kept two people alive for 4 months. And I myself have survived! We have a strict schedule when the babies will allow it. We still have weird days when one or both refuses to eat or sleep, but it evens out in the end. They eat every 3 hours, followed by some wake time where choose an activity from the following: we work on our skills like standing and tummy time and finding their voices and hands and grabbing on to mommys fingers or toys. We run in place and watch babies Einstein’s, have a bath (in the sink which is great because it forces me to do the dishes) face time with dad. We laugh and smile and giggle and take wayyyyy too many pictures:) Then they are wrapped up and put down for a nap till the next feeding. On days where this schedule is done well we are one big happy family. Mom is able to get things done and all is right. Or sometimes when dad isn’t at the station he takes them to the crossfit gym and mom gets to go to yoga or take a nap:) Those are also really good days. They are now sleeping in their cribs but not very successfully. We are still getting used to it. I have put it off for 4 months because simply their room is so far away from ours. Its across the house up the stairs and across the house. So I have been sleeping in the guest room upstairs and getting up with them 5+ times per night. Thus I am one tired lady. We had a really good night time rhythm down where they would go 8, 9 sometimes 10 hours between feedings and I only had to get up once usually at 5 or 6 to feed them. I think a combination of their new environment and a growth spurt is what has them waking up so often and feeding 2-3 times at night:( ugh. It was nice while it lasted. I am hopeful it will get better SOON. Before I go crazy preferably. Other than that things are going well, I love to get out during the day because the babies do so well in the car and in their stroller. Anything that gets me out of my living room. I’m so happy I’m a mommy to 2 very sweet babies. Their smiles are medicine to my soul. I make sure to make time just to sit and hold them and appreciate each stage they are in because I know they will grow out of it too fast. I love watching them grow. I love waking up to the sound of Bear sucking on his hands. Or when he slams his feet down in the pack n play making the whole thing shake and then laughs. I love the tender moments I get to experience each day because I am lucky enough to stay home and care for them. I know that no one could do a better job than me. I have a bad habit of feeling inadequate (what mother doesn’t?) but it is wonderful to share my life with the worlds biggest optimist who tells me often how much he loves and a appreciates me. And it always helps to drop them at Grandmas house for an hour and go to hot yoga where I can focus on an intention and find my inner balance. Its like a reset button. Nothing a little powerful squat cant heal:) Yoga is also medicine for my soul. The benefits aren’t bad either. And last but certainly not least, good friends never hurt. A sound support system or people who love you and care and are willing to listen while you complain about sleep deprivation and all the poop you’ve scrubbed out of clothes today. It’s a wonderful life we live. I’m lucky enough to share it with some pretty cool people.

Way to go Babe!

After I had the kids Stephen was able to take an entire month off to stay home with us while we all adjusted and settled into a routine. I’m incredibly grateful for this. Anyway, he took advantage of all that time by getting back into his cross fit gym. He has done cross fit for several years off and on but its hard when we get busy and what not. He worked really hard for 2 months and had little results and was getting a little frustrated. I don’t blame him! He would lay on the ground for 20 min after a work out sometimes because it was so intense and still weigh the same. Not that he really needed to lose a lot of weight but he wanted to be in better shape. Health and fitness are a big part of our lives and pregnancy especially our double dose threw us out of our rhythm. Anyway, at the beginning of the year his gym offered a challenge similar to a “biggest loser” but with a specific diet. The Paleo diet. Look it up. Basically if you can grow it or kill it you can eat it. It goes back to Paleolithic era (think Nephi or cave men) when people lived to be 200 and cancer, food allergies, heart disease and obesity didn’t exist. It is HARD to avoid sugar and flour and gluten. No rice no corn (because these were discovered later) no peanuts NO DAIRY. Basically you can eat any meat you can think of, we eat eggs with bacon almost every morning. And sausage (we keep it to chicken or turkey) any veggie you can think of we love avacados, nuts mainly cashews and almonds and sunflower seeds, fruit but very little mostly bananas and apples some blueberries and strawberries. Fresh produce. This diet is high in all natural healthy fats. I lasted 4 days mainly because I am responsible for the nutrition of 3 people and this girls gotta eat as much as I can. I even usually have a slim fast shake with my meal to add calories. Which obviously isn’t paleo:) Here are a few of our favorite meals: Hamburgers wrapped in lettuce with onion tomato pickles and bacon sometimes guacamole. Seriously once a week and its my favorite night. Grilled chicken and asperagus-simple healthy delicious. We only drink or use almond and coconut milk. Obviously lots of salads, spinach is a staple to our every day. We fill them with nuts and flax seed and chicken or turkey and Stephen usually tops his with pico (onion tomato cilantro with lime and garlic) while I cheat a little and use some raspberry vinaigrette. Apples pears craisens with zucchini or cucumber the options are endless and it just depends whats in the fridge. Sweet potato fries!! Best ever! Cut up and coated in olive oil, chili powder, garlic, sometimes Italian seasonings or a pinch of cayenne pepper and fried up on the stove. They are so good we feel like we are cheating the diet. Sweet potato pancakes with cinnamon and nutmeg or banana pancakes, simple ingredients and no where near as good as the real thing haha but it is a sweet tooth fix. Topped with almond butter (I use peanut butter) and honey or 100% pure maple syrup. Crock pot anything, I usually keep it simple and just add salt and pepper to the meat then later we can add different things and just serve it with veggies. Babies don’t like broccoli which is hard to avoid when eating healthy but it just forces us to get creative:) Home made applesauce. Seriously killer. I get a variety of apples and peel and slice them and cook them in the crock pot with cinnamon and lemon juice and OH MY serve warm and it is like having a piece of apple pie. For Christmas we bought a juicer and love it. Great way to get your veggies and it’s the only way I will eat kale. Plus I would rather drink green juice than a green smoothie, it just goes down easier and easier for your body to digest. Especially with no added sugar, just apples or lime/lemon juice to sweeten it basically. Anyway, it is not easy but Stephen was so dedicated with it. Even when he came home to me eating chocolate or cookie dough the man stayed strong. 6 weeks solid. There were about 20 people doing the challenge and you had to keep a journal of what you ate and what work outs you did and your weight. Then at the end you had to write a short report on your progess and how you felt. And my man WON the challenge! And $200 bucks! So proud of him. And he is sticking to the diet still. He lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks and kept most of his muscle. He is a firm believer in food being the fuel for your body and paleo being the premium fuel. He even got the guys at the fire station to do it with him and all had great results and are still on paleo. His captain had some health issues, high blood pressure and such and paleo is slowly but surely healing him. Our world is slowly trying to kill us with its processed foods and its working too. (among all the other horrible things in the world around us) we see it as trying to keep our bodies clean. We clean the outside regularly, we stay away from foul books and movies and music to keep our minds clean and with the food we eat we can keep our insides clean and running like a fine tuned machine. He plans to take such good care of the body he has been blessed with and live to be 100. Which is great because I plan to live one day less than him:) Congrats babe! Way to go!